SARAH'S BLOG OF FUN: Parents Keep Childs Gender A Secret.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Parents Keep Childs Gender A Secret.

A friend of mine sent me this article, and I don't know what to make of this. What do you think??

Parents keep child’s gender under wraps

By Zachary Roth

When many couples have a baby, they send out an email to family and friends that fills them in on the key details: name, gender, birth weight, that sort of thing. (You know the drill: "Both Mom and little Ethan are doing great!")

But the email sent recently by Kathy Witterick and David Stocker of Toronto, Canada to announce the birth of their baby, Storm, was missing one important piece of information. "We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now--a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime (a more progressive place? ...)," it said.

That's right. They're not saying whether Storm is a boy or a girl.

There's nothing ambiguous about the baby's genitals. But as Stocker puts it: "If you really want to get to know someone, you don't ask what's between their legs." So only the parents, their two other children (both boys), a close friend, and the two midwives who helped deliver the now 4-month-old baby know its gender. Even the grandparents have been left in the dark.

Stocker and Witterick say the decision gives Storm the freedom to choose who he or she wants to be. "What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It's obnoxious," adds Stocker, a teacher at an alternative school.

They say that kids receive messages from society that encourage them to fit into existing boxes, including with regard to gender. "We thought that if we delayed sharing that information, in this case hopefully, we might knock off a couple million of those messages by the time that Storm decides Storm would like to share," says Witterick.

"In fact, in not telling the gender of my precious baby, I am saying to the world, 'Please can you just let Storm discover for him/herself what s (he) wants to be?!." she wrote in an email.

How did Stocker and Witterick decide to keep Storm's gender under wraps? During Witterick's pregnancy, her son Jazz was having "intense" experiences with his own gender. "I was feeling like I needed some good parenting skills to support him through that," Witterick said.

Stocker came across a book from 1978, titled X: A Fabulous Child's Story by Lois Gould. X is raised as neither a boy or girl, and grows up to be a happy and well-adjusted child.

"It became so compelling it was almost like, How could we not?" Witterick said.

The couple's other two children, Jazz and Kio, haven't escaped their parents' unconventional approach to parenting. Though they're only 5 and 2, they're allowed to pick out their own clothes in the boys and girls sections of stores and decide whether to cut their hair or let it grow.

Both boys are "unschooled," a version of homeschooling, which promotes putting a child's curiosity at the center of his or her education. As Witterick puts it, it's "not something that happens by rote from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. weekdays in a building with a group of same-age people, planned, implemented and assessed by someone else."

Because Jazz and Kio wear pink and have long hair, they're frequently assumed to be girls, according to Stocker. He said he and Witterick don't correct people--they leave it to the kids to do it if they want to.

But Stocker and Witterick's choices haven't always made life easy for their kids. Though Jazz likes dressing as a girl, he doesn't seem to want to be mistaken for one. He recently asked his mother to let the leaders of a nature center know that he's a boy. And he chose not to attend a conventional school because of the questions about his gender. Asked whether that upsets him, Jazz nodded.

As for his mother, she's not giving up the crusade against the tyranny of assigned gender roles. "Everyone keeps asking us, 'When will this end?'" she said. "And we always turn the question back. Yeah, when will this end? When will we live in a world where people can make choices to be whoever they are?"


Some Lucky Dog said...

Hmmm, I hardly know what to say. Isn't it appropriate for parents to be parents and give their children some guidance in the world? It seems they're putting way too much pressure on these kids by allowing them so many choices. It must be overwhelming for those little boys. If the 5yo had the confidence the parents think, he wouldn't be asking his Mom to let someone knows he's a boy. He'd tell them himself. Obviously, it bothers him that they think he's a girl. I think they are going to end up with kids who have no identity at wll. Wouldn't it be better to guide them while allowing the kids to express their thoughts and talk with them about them? Trying to change society by using toddlers in this way is sick...

Anonymous said...

I agree with the comment above. I also feel that early gender identity removes uncertainty and builds their confidence and security. To me this is a just another way for these parents to be lazy and not have to really parent or take responsibilty. Kids need guidance.

Taffy said...

Um, wow. I'm blown away by the parents believing they are modern and helping society by allowing their children to grow up confused. And I don't mean confused about gender. Children WANT boundaries set to feel safe. When their parents don't set them but society does, the children will be confused at who is right. And when they are older, peers will be right, not the parents. The parents have a tough life, and heartache, ahead of them.

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