Make Me Laugh Monday 2/1/10

Ok after a long day of making homemade beef stew (it takes 8 hours!!!) and cringing from the pain of my very dry and sore hands, I needed a pick me up!!!! I found some pretty funny definitions of words, and some hillarious newspaper clippings. I hope you all get a good laugh like I did!!!!!

ABASH- highschool Graduation Party

ADULT- a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle

AMNESIA- condition that enables a women who has had children to be with her husband again

ANTIQUE-an item your Grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you are buying again

ARBITRATOR- a cook that leaves Arbys to work at Burger King

BARIUM- what we do to most people when they die

BATHROOM- a room used by all, and expected to be self cleaning, except by Mom

BEAUTY PARLOR- place where women curl up and dye

BOSS- someone who is early when you are late, and late when you are early

CANNIBAL- someone who is fed up with people

CANTALOUPE- people who have to get married in a church

CAR SICKNESS- the feeling you get when the payment is due & you see the balance still owed!!

CLOTHES DRYER- an appliance used to eat socks

COLLEGE- the four years when a parent can use their own phone

DERANGE- where the buffalo roam

DOCTOR- a person who kills your ills with pills and then with his bills

DUMBWAITER- one who asks if your kids want dessert

ETC.- a term to make others think you know more then you do

EXPERIENCE- a name men give for their mistakes

FABLE- a story told by a teenager when they miss curfew

FAMILY PLANNING- the art of seperating children (period!!)

FATHER- your personal ATM

FEEDBACK- what happens when your baby doesnt like the carrots

GROCERY LIST- what you spend all day writing, and then forget when you go to the store

GUM- adhesive for the hair

HEARSAY- what toddlers do when the hear a bad word

HEROS- what a guy in a boat does

HINDSIGHT- condition from changing too many diapers

IMPREGNABLE- a women who still remembers labor pains

INFLATION- cutting money in half without hurting the paper

KISSING- a way to get two people together without them seeing anything wrong with the other

LEMONADE STAND- a business venture where Mom does everything, and kids make a quarter

MISER- a person who lives poor so he can die rich

MYTH- a female moth

NAIL POLISH- an item that makes Moms look better, and something Dads dont notice

OVER STUFFED RECLINER- Moms nickname for Dad

OW- the first word spoken by children with older siblings

PARADOX- two physicians

POLYGON- a dead bird

PRENATEL- when you still had some life left

PRIMATE- removing your husband from the couch

PRIVATE TUTOR- someone who doesnt break wind in public

PUDDLE- a small body of water that draws other small bodies with clean dry shoes

QUIET- the peace you feel before the first child is born, and after the last is in College

RELIEF-what trees do in the spring

RUBBERNECK- what you do for you wife after a long day

SEAMSTRESS- 250 lbs in a size 6

SELFISH- what an owner of a seafood market does

STERILIZE- boiling your first babies pacifier, blowing dirt off of your last babies

TOP BUNK- a place where you should never put a kid wearing superman pjs

UMBRELLA- a childhood weapon

VEGETARIAN- old indian word for bad hunter

YAWN- the only time a married man is allowed to open his mouth

WRINKLES- something other people have

ZUCCHINI- a vegatable that can be cooked 100 different ways, and kids still wont eat it