Make Me Laugh Monday 10/31/11

A Man was walking home late one night when he hears a bump..bump..bump behind him.

Walking faster, he looks back and sees a coffin banging it's way down the street towards him.

He quickly picks up speed, but the coffin keeps up.

The man reaches his house and bolts the door, but the coffin crashes through it.

The man is sooo scared that he runs and locks himself in his bathroom.

The coffin breaks through that door as well. The man screams and reaches for something, anything to help him. All he can find is a bag of cough drops. He throws them at the coffin and of course.....

The Coffin stops!!!!



Chris Cross, a tourist in Vienna, is going passed Vienna's Zentralfriedhof graveyard on October 31st. All of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. Chris finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades Tim Burr, a friend, to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"


The Hearse Song

Don't you ever laugh as the hearse goes by,
For you may be the next to die.


They wrap you up in a big white sheet
From your head down to your feet.


They put you in a big black box
And cover you up with dirt and rocks.


All goes well for about a week,
Then your coffin begins to leak.


The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
The worms play pinochle on your snout.


They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,
They eat the jelly between your toes.


A big green worm with rolling eyes
Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes.


Your stomach turns a slimy green,
And pus pours out like whipping cream.


You spread it on a slice of bread,
And that's what you eat when you are dead.