Thursday, August 26, 2010


Today is one of those days where I wish I would win the Lottery!!! Because I didn't (I am like joke #2 LOL) I am going to do some lottery humor!!


Redneck Lottery Winner

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

Lottery Prayer

Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble.

He was so desperate he decided to pray for help.

He began, ‘God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’

Lottery night came and Sam didn’t win.

Again Sam prays, ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.’

Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck.

Once again, he prays, ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.’

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

Sam is confronted by the voice of God Himself:

‘Sam,’ says God, ‘meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket.’

Lottery Win

A man rushed into his house and yelled to his wife, "Susan, pack your things. I just won the National Lottery!’

‘Brilliant,’ replied Susan, ‘shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’

‘I don't care.’ the man said, ‘just so long as you're out of the house by noon!’

The Lottery Winner:

Jacob considers himself to be one of the lucky ones because he’s the only one of his family to have survived two years in a concentration camp. He’s now nearing 90 and his only remaining joy is the national lottery, which he’s been playing for years without success. But then he wins the big one, a prize of $10 million.

A journalist from the Times calls on him for a story.

Jacob tells him, “As I’m the only one in my family to have survived the concentration camps, this has helped me decide how to make use of my large win. So, I’ve decided to donate $5 million to the Save the Children Fund, $3 million to the Simon Wiesenthal Centre, $750,000 to the Jewish Museum, $750,000 Hadassah Hospital and $500,000 to be shared amongst my friends. I’m also thinking of donating $1 to the Nazi Party from my winnings.”

The journalist is surprised. “But Jacob, how can you think of donating even $1 to the Nazi party after everything that’s happened to you and your family?”

Jacob rolls up his sleeve, points to his arm, smiles and replies, “It’s only fair. They gave me the winning numbers.”

This video is funny!! Just be careful watching it around kids. It is adult related!!
Derrick Cameron - The Lottery
Big LakeA New Comedy from Will Ferrell and Adam McKayIt's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

1 comment:

Kel said...

LOL! Thanks for the laughs.

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