Ok after a long day of making homemade beef stew (it takes 8 hours!!!) and cringing from the pain of my very dry and sore hands, I needed a pick me up!!!! I found some pretty funny definitions of words, and some hillarious newspaper clippings. I hope you all get a good laugh like I did!!!!!
ABASH- highschool Graduation Party
ADULT- a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle
AMNESIA- condition that enables a women who has had children to be with her husband again
ANTIQUE-an item your Grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you are buying again
ARBITRATOR- a cook that leaves Arbys to work at Burger King
BARIUM- what we do to most people when they die
BATHROOM- a room used by all, and expected to be self cleaning, except by Mom
BEAUTY PARLOR- place where women curl up and dye
BOSS- someone who is early when you are late, and late when you are early
CANNIBAL- someone who is fed up with people
CANTALOUPE- people who have to get married in a church
CAR SICKNESS- the feeling you get when the payment is due & you see the balance still owed!!
CLOTHES DRYER- an appliance used to eat socks
COLLEGE- the four years when a parent can use their own phone
DERANGE- where the buffalo roam
DOCTOR- a person who kills your ills with pills and then with his bills
DUMBWAITER- one who asks if your kids want dessert
ETC.- a term to make others think you know more then you do
EXPERIENCE- a name men give for their mistakes
FABLE- a story told by a teenager when they miss curfew
FAMILY PLANNING- the art of seperating children (period!!)
FATHER- your personal ATM
FEEDBACK- what happens when your baby doesnt like the carrots
GROCERY LIST- what you spend all day writing, and then forget when you go to the store
GUM- adhesive for the hair
HEARSAY- what toddlers do when the hear a bad word
HEROS- what a guy in a boat does
HINDSIGHT- condition from changing too many diapers
IMPREGNABLE- a women who still remembers labor pains
INFLATION- cutting money in half without hurting the paper
KISSING- a way to get two people together without them seeing anything wrong with the other
LEMONADE STAND- a business venture where Mom does everything, and kids make a quarter
MISER- a person who lives poor so he can die rich
MYTH- a female moth
NAIL POLISH- an item that makes Moms look better, and something Dads dont notice
OVER STUFFED RECLINER- Moms nickname for Dad
OW- the first word spoken by children with older siblings
PARADOX- two physicians
POLYGON- a dead bird
PRENATEL- when you still had some life left
PRIMATE- removing your husband from the couch
PRIVATE TUTOR- someone who doesnt break wind in public
PUDDLE- a small body of water that draws other small bodies with clean dry shoes
QUIET- the peace you feel before the first child is born, and after the last is in College
RELIEF-what trees do in the spring
RUBBERNECK- what you do for you wife after a long day
SEAMSTRESS- 250 lbs in a size 6
SELFISH- what an owner of a seafood market does
STERILIZE- boiling your first babies pacifier, blowing dirt off of your last babies
TOP BUNK- a place where you should never put a kid wearing superman pjs
UMBRELLA- a childhood weapon
VEGETARIAN- old indian word for bad hunter
YAWN- the only time a married man is allowed to open his mouth
WRINKLES- something other people have
ZUCCHINI- a vegatable that can be cooked 100 different ways, and kids still wont eat it
OMG! That last one is hilarious! Ya think? I mean really. REALLY. Ha! Thanks for a great laugh!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it Beth!!!!
ReplyDeleteLMAO!! These are great!!!
ReplyDeletethanks for the laughs!those are great,I like the correction one and the ADULT- a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle-thats totally me!
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